Mellow Minions
by Chockfullo'nuts
Summary: The ducklings defy House...who is not amused. Just a little story about House being his usual jerky self...


My first try...I'm not a native speaker, so please point out any grammatical errors, etc. I _love_ reviews – especially long ones!

"Elaine Benson, twenty-three year old female, presenting with joint pain, extreme thirst and -" House stopped short, studying his team. A grin spread across his face, as he asked delightedly, "Which one of you guys brought _donuts_? I knew I hired you for a reason!" Chase stared at him incredulously, having carefully hidden the box of baked goods in his locker. "How did you..." He stuttered. His boss motioned for him to shut up. "You have powdered sugar on your shirt, and Cameron is for once not slugging sweetened drinks. Which leads me to believe that she got her fill elsewhere. Now gimme one!" The ducklings shared a worried look, until Foreman announced, "There aren't any left, actually." House glared. "Who ate the last one?" he demanded, and Chase nervously lifted a finger, owning up. He ducked his head, afraid of the reprimand that was sure to come. "Get out of here, Wombat," House ordered, "...and buy me one. Make it two, actually – and cancel your plans for tonight." The Aussie had already gotten up, but at House's last sentence whipped his head around in confusion. "Cancel my...why?" His boss smirked and suddenly, apprehension dawned on Chase's face. "Are you making me stay late just because I dared to eat a donut?" House raised an eyebrow. "Not _a_ donut, actually. _My_ donut! And no worries, I'll find a more official-sounding explanation for our beloved Cuddy..." His youngest employee couldn't hide his exasperation any longer. "If you're going to punish me anyway, I don't see why I should be the one to go and buy you..." His voice trailed off, having caught a glimpse of the older doctor's threatening glare. Mouth flattened, he grabbed his coat and headed outside.

After a long day spent brainstorming, the diagnostic team were still none the wiser as to Elaine's illness. But the patient was stable and House had decided that missing the "guys night in" with Wilson was not part of his job description. He glanced at the clock and started fidgeting impatiently. His fellows had still not returned from the patient's apartment and he was getting frustrated. When they finally trudged in, House fixed them with a menacing stare. "What took you so long?" he demanded. Chase scowled. "She lives almost _forty miles_ from here, House!" he said angrily. The department head rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah yeah. Just tell me what you've got, I can't afford to listen to your whining any longer." Foreman scoffed. "What's so important?" "Got a date with Wilson...isn't it wonderful when your lover is also your best friend?" House smirked at the confused faces of his ducklings and shook his head. "Enough about me. Spill!" "Nothing out of the ordinary..." Cameron began, "... clean place, she doesn't have any pets...I doubt the samples will reveal anything." House got up, grabbing his backpack. "You and Foreman start testing them." Cameron and Foreman shrugged on their lab coats and left. "Dr. Chase!" The youngest duckling looked at his boss with a subdued expression. He had tried to leave with his colleagues but, as expected, he was called back before even reaching the door."Remember this morning, Dr. Chase?" The Australian sighed. "Yes..." he replied sullenly. House smirked "Blue is a very busy man, so I told him he could skip my office tonight. I want you to clean it instead, Wombat." Chase shot him an accusing glance past his blond bangs. "If you mean the janitor...he's called Lou!" he muttered, for loss of anything else to say. "No he isn't!" House insisted, "'Cause Blue is a seriously cool name, so I changed it for him. Now chop-chop...and don't tell Cuddy about the demeaning methods I use to discipline my minions, or I'll have you doing my clinic duty for a year." He grinned sweetly at his employee and left, hurrying towards Wilson's office. Chase scoffed. "You make me do your clinic duty anyway!" he said under his breath before slumping his shoulders and walking over to the supply closet. Wearing a grim expression, he grabbed a mop.

"You're _kidding _me, right?" Cameron said, shaking her head in frustration. Foreman had just announced he wasn't planning on staying any longer. Her colleague shrugged. "It's just a matter of time, you don't need me here. And I need some sleep." Ignoring her glare, he left. Cameron looked at the mountain of bagged samples on the lab table in front of her. For the second time within a week, one of her colleagues had left while she faced hours of tedious work. She set her jaw in determination. Quickly, she grabbed a pen and scribbled a short note for Chase: "We went home – shouldn't take too long, and you left on Monday...see you tomorrow!"

The next morning, Cameron walked into the gleaming diagnostic's lounge to find Chase already sitting at the conference table, looking well-rested. He had obviously just arrived, and Cameron stared at him in shock. "You left? _Again_?" Chase looked up at Cameron in confusion. "House told you two to test the samples! He had me clean the office, and believe me, I did." Remembering the evening's work, anger at his boss flashed across his face again. His co-worker wasn't impressed. "So what do you propose we tell House?" She demanded, "Because he's gonna _love_ us not being able to give him any results!" Chase dropped his pen, crossword forgotten. "Didn't you guys do the tests?" His rising panic was clearly audible. Cameron sighed. "I left you a note in the lab. Foreman was the first to go. And I figured we could rely on you staying because we spent_ Monday_night here _as well_! House just told us to start, I thought you'd be down in the lab a few minutes later." Chase was gnawing on his lip. "I...I...didn't...I was here until midnight, I just figured you'd have finished by then." Cameron scoffed. "Well, tell that to House." She flopped down on one of the chairs when Foreman arrived. "Morning." he mumbled, pouring himself a cup of coffee, "So can we rule anything out?" When Cameron explained why there weren't any test results to debate on, he chuckled quietly. Cameron shot him a look, and he shrugged. "I just can't believe Chase of all people is gonna be the one to piss House off like that." The blonde doctor scowled, and Cameron hissed angrily, "Yeah, right! Like he's not gonna hold us all responsible!"

Half an hour went by with the three ducklings waiting for House's arrival. Finally, they heard the faint tapping of the wooden cane on the hospital's tiled floor. Chase stared at the door anxiously, while Cameron sat pouting, torn between the desire to console her colleague and the lingering feeling that he deserved all his suffering. Even Foreman was now starting to get worried. It was almost a relief to see their boss entering. House flung his backpack in the corner and raised his cane in greeting, almost beheading Cameron in the process.

"Good morning, my dearest children!" he proclaimed, "Slept well? Oh no, that's right, you didn't..." he smirked. Puzzled by their averted gazes, he paused a moment. Then, sliding into his chair, he cupped a hand around his ear. "Come on now! Whatever your fears or worries, I'll be glad to do all I can to help." Cameron and Foreman shared a look, while Chase kept his eyes firmly on the table. House pouted. "You're no fun today. Fine then. If you want to be all serious and doctor-y, that's ok. So what does our patient have?" Cameron bit her lip. "House?" She asked. "Cameron?" he echoed her. "We don't have any test results..." she admitted quietly. House frowned. "Um. Ok. May I ask why the hell not? And don't go for 'my dog ate them', 'cause I've heard that one dozens of times. Plus, you don't have a dog." He was still in relatively good spirits, which encouraged Chase to look up. "We...went home." he stated simply, and then promptly dropped his gaze again. "You _what_?" asked House incredulously. Cameron took up again. "It was a misunderstanding. Foreman left, and then-" "I don't care!" her boss interrupted her impatiently. "Save those stories for your therapist. I ordered you to do some tests, you didn't. It's as simple as that. Now get out and_ do them_!"

In the lab, the ducklings busied themselves with their patient's samples. Cameron was the first to speak. "Do you think that was that?" she asked. The other two guessed what she was talking about. Foreman raised his eyebrows, "Well, what's he gonna do?" Chase snorted at this. Having worked with their eccentric boss for the longest time, he knew quite well that House didn't just let things go. The youngest duckling shook his head. "He'll make us pay."

When the three returned to the office, they eyed House warily. The older doctor was sitting at the table twirling his cane. "We'll have the results in two hours..." Foreman said. House nodded. "Well, you can use that time, can't you? Cameron, get me lunch. Chase – down to the clinic. You're doing my hours. And Foreman, you'll be spying on Cuddy. Page me when she moves – it's her time of the month." he raised an eyebrow and made a shooing gesture with his hand. The young doctors were out of the door in less than a second, none of them daring to complain more than with a slight rolling of eyes. House leaned back in his chair and smiled. His lackeys were satisfyingly mellow when they knew they had messed up...contemplating that, he slurped on his coffee and pulled out his gameboy.

Two hours later, the three fellows returned to the office with their patient's test results. House gazed at them from behind half-closed lids. Finally, he held out his hand lazily. Foreman passed him a thick file. "No toxins..." he sighed, "and...her liver's shutting down." House got up and started scribbling on the whiteboard while his employees seated themselves at the table. Ideas were announced and shot down, and finally the diagnostician couldn't take it any longer. "Come on, people!" House barked impatiently. "We have no idea what she's dying of, and it won't be any use in a while." Chase shrugged. "There's nothing we can do. It can't be an infection, tox screen was clean and it can't be – ow!" he winced and rubbed his temple where a marker had hit him. House glared. "Stop telling me what it can't be!" Suddenly, Cameron sat up. "What if we were looking in the wrong place? She said she'd left her boyfriend recently, did we ask her if she'd been staying at his apartment?" Her boss nodded slowly. "Foreman, Chase, go visit the guy."

After explaining that their patient's illness had reached a critical level, the young doctors were let in by a reluctant man dressed in boxer shorts and a long t-shirt. The flat matched it's owners scruffy appearance, used glasses lying around and empty containers of yoghurt piling up on the counter. Foreman and Chase shared a glance before starting to bag samples of moldy dairy products. When they proceeded to look around the rest of the apartment, Foreman started pulling at a locked door. "What's in here?" he asked, and the resident sighed. Defeated, he went over to the door and unlocked it. Foreman gasped as the stench hit him and something grey and furry scurried past his ankles. With a speed suggesting a fair amount of practice, the unkempt man grabbed the animal. Foreman struggled to regain his composure while Chase walked over briskly. He studied the animal and frowned at the patient's former boyfriend. "Did Elaine ever come into contact with any of your ferrets?" he inquired. "Yeah...I guess. They...I just let them run around the apartment normally, y'know?"

Back in the diagnostics office, Cameron was completing reports while her boss tossed his ball against the wall repeatedly, causing a soft thump every few seconds. Cameron rubbed her temples, it was slowly driving her insane. She sighed in relief when she saw her colleagues approaching. They barged into the office and House cocked his head. "Well?" "Tetanus clostridium!" Chase announced breathlessly, and Foreman added, "We met a charming bunch of ferrets..." House gave a short nod. "It fits. Go treat, my lovelies!"

Three hours later, the patient was improving steadily. Having completed their clinic hours for the day, the ducklings went back to the diagnostic's office. House was staring at his computer, no doubt looking at either very _mature_ or rather juvenile websites. The fellows spent a few minutes waiting for him to acknowledge their presence, then Foreman gave up. He took his coat and started to pack up his things, when House looked up and shot him a piercing stare. "Oh no you don't..." he growled. "You leave when I tell you to leave – and if I remember correctly, you three went home last night. Well guess what? Such antics are punishable by _House_ rules..." he laughed manically at his own joke. When his employees failed to react, he looked at them innocently. "Oh, relax. I'm not having you drawn and quartered. But you are staying here tonight, doing completely arbitrary and mind-numbing tasks. Got it?" Cameron and Chase slunk to the table immediately, submissively settling themselves for a long night. Foreman huffed, still standing in the doorway. House raised a challenging eyebrow. "Did you honestly expect me not to punish you guys in some way?" he asked. Foreman stared at him for another couple of seconds, then inhaled deeply, steeling himself. Refusing to meet House's gaze, he sat down at the table. Chase shot him a glance, obviously saying "I told you so", while House settled himself more comfortably. Studying his ducklings contentedly, he started assigning them enough tasks to last the night – and probably the next one, too...


End file.
